Helping Leaving Cert students to understand the Calculated Grades process

The Coronavirus pandemic has made things particularly difficult for this year’s Leaving Certificate students. There was a lot of uncertainty about what would happen. Now that a decision has been made that students will receive Calculated Grades many students and their parents probably still have a lot of questions. Here is some information from the Department of Education website which you can access at https://www.education.ie/en/Learners/Information/State-Examinations/leaving-cert-2020.html

Here is a guide to how the calculated grades process works is available here https://www.education.ie/en/Learners/Information/State-Examinations/a-guide-to-calculated-grades-for-leaving-certificate-students-2020.pdf

Here are some Frequently Asked Questions and answers https://www.gov.ie/en/publication/2f07eb-leaving-cert-2020-information/#information-for-leaving-cert-students

This instructional video is designed to assist schools, further education and training centres, and all other settings in the process of arriving at an estimated mark in class rank order for each student but you might find it useful to see how calculated grades are arrived at.

Here is a podcast about well being for our Leaving Cert students which may be useful to you.

https://www.education.ie/en/Learners/Information/State-Examinations/a-guide-to-calculated-grades-for-leaving-certificate-students-2020.pdf

https://www.education.ie/en/Learners/Information/State-Examinations/a-guide-to-calculated-grades-for-leaving-certificate-students-2020.pdf

https://www.education.ie/en/Learners/Information/State-Examinations/a-guide-to-calculated-grades-for-leaving-certificate-students-2020.pdf

https://www.education.ie/en/Learners/Information/State-Examinations/a-guide-to-calculated-grades-for-leaving-certificate-students-2020.pdf

 

Everybody worries – a picture book for children who are worried about Coronavirus

Here is a lovely book for children who may feel they are the only ones who are worried.

You can download the book here  https://en.calameo.com/read/000777721945cfe5bb9cc?authid=Xu9pcOzU3TQx

Remember if you have concerns that your children are not coping you can arrange to talk to a Family Support Worker by phoning the Donegal Parent Support line on FREEPHONE 1800 112277

How families can cope with pandemic stress

Here is an interesting article from the University of Alberta in Canada

How families can cope with pandemic stress

We can’t control our negative thoughts and feelings, but we can choose how we respond to them, says U of A expert.

By BEV BETKOWSKI

How do families cope with the emotional upheaval caused by COVID-19 without falling apart?

It is possible to keep personal relationships from crumbling under stress by choosing how to react, said Adam Galovan, a University of Alberta expert in family dynamics.

“Many people are going to be upset or angry because of job losses or cutbacks and all that that might mean. Most social engagements are also being cancelled. Unfortunately, we don’t have a clear picture of when this will end, which can lead to a lot of anxiety. Because of this, it’s important for people to acknowledge how they feel, whether it’s angry, fearful or sad.

“They can’t control their negative feelings, but they can control how they respond to those feelings.”

That means working to avoid “ineffective coping” like eating a whole bucket of ice cream or an entire pizza, or snapping at the kids or each other, Galovan advised.

“If we can recognize and understand our feelings, we will likely be able to think of other, more healthy ways to cope.”

Galovan said that when we’re stressed, we tend to go to our baseline coping tendencies; some get agitated, others shut down.

And there’s often a pursuer-avoider pattern in relationships, he added.

“One person wants to address an issue and tackle it head-on, while the other partner wants to ignore it. During stressful times, this can become more pronounced.”

Pursuers should monitor their feelings and consider outlets for reducing their anxiety and tendency to seek control, like exercise or meditation, Galovan suggested.

Avoiders may need to ask themselves if they can be coping more effectively.

“It can be helpful to journal their feelings, and then talk with their partner about how they’re feeling.

“Often, just voicing our feelings, having that conversation, helps relieve the tension and helps us feel less stressed. It also opens up dialogue to get a better perspective on what’s going on with one another,” said Galovan.

And when partners can’t agree on how to handle something like a money issue, having some empathy for the other person is a good place to start to address the issue, Galovan said.

“It’s key to say it’s us against this problem, rather than me versus you. For instance, if one person wants to keep a cable TV subscription because they find it helps ease their stress, then maybe they can find another way to cut costs. If we can put ourselves in our partner’s shoes and have some empathy for what they’re experiencing, then we can talk through it and find another solution.”

Even though work and school have been upended by COVID-19 lockdowns, Galovan said establishing a routine at home eases stress.

“Get up at the normal hour you did before, eat meals at a set time. We are creatures of habit, especially kids, so if we can do some things consistently when other things are up in the air, it helps us all feel more grounded.”

Don’t forget about the kids

It’s important that parents not allow their own stress to spill over to their children.

Galovan said being aware of our own stress is also helpful so we don’t react to those feelings by treating our children in a harsher way. For example, he said, parents might have less patience and snap at their children, or spank them when we usually don’t.

Instead, parents can take a timeout.

“Most situations with a child don’t need to be handled right away, so take a break and calm down, then come back to it,” he said.

“And if you have responded more negatively than you should have, apologize. It might be helpful to explain some of your stresses. Kids are usually very understanding.”

It’s important to really listen to your kids and try to understand them, he added.

Children’s routines have been disrupted, and they are likely to experience higher stress as they adjust, Galovan said, adding that it’s key for parents to allow their children to share their feelings without being criticized.

“Some of the fears and worries kids have might seem trivial to adults, but their feelings are real. Simply acknowledging that something is difficult, frustrating, or scary can help a child feel heard and understood. That reduces the likelihood that they’ll react negatively to their feelings of stress,” said Galovan.

He suggested parents talk to their kids about how to deal with stress in healthy ways.

“It’s OK for a child to be angry, upset or frustrated, but it’s not OK for them to hit a sibling or break something. So parents can talk about what their kids can do when they feel that way. Maybe they need to hit a pillow. Maybe they need to go exercise or play a game.”

Hold on to hope; seek help

Galovan said it helps to recognize the big things in life like having good health and loved ones, and also focus on the small positive things that bring happiness into our lives, like listening to a favourite song, sharing a story with a child, appreciating a sunset or connecting with a family member over the phone.

“Recognizing these small enjoyments keeps us going and gives us more energy to tackle the big challenges,” he said.

And if you need to, get help from available community support resources like phone or online counselling, he advised.

“If you’re suffering, know that you are not alone and that there are people who are willing and waiting to help.”

People are resilient, he added.

“Change is hard, but we do have immense capacity to adapt.”

Do you need to talk to someone? Donegal Parent Support Line launching on Thursday 14 May

A new free Parent Support Line will be available to parents in Donegal from Thursday 14 May. The Donegal Parent Support line is being co-ordinated by the Donegal Family Resource Centre Network in association with a wide range of community and voluntary organisations involved in family support. The service will be available from Monday to Friday 9am – 3pm.

Many parents are feeling stressed and need a listening ear at this time. There are extra pressures with home schooling, working from home, anxiety about Coronavirus and a sense of uncertainty about what the coming months will bring. Parents are encouraged to avail of the opportunity to talk through those issues which are causing them stress. The Donegal Parent Support line will offer this, with a range of experienced and specialised family support and youth workers available to call parents back. The service will offer sign-posting, advice and the opportunity to talk through whatever is causing a parent stress – no matter how small the issue may seem.

Here is an interview with Leona from the Mevagh Family Resource Centre and Martin from the Moville and District Family Resource Centre on the Greg Hughes show on Highland radio today about the new service https://soundcloud.com/onegalarentline/donegal-parent-support-line-highland-radio-13-5-2020-greg-hughes-show

This initiative has been developed in partnership with the Tusla Prevention Partnership and Family Support team in Donegal as part of the ongoing strategy to develop and fund early intervention community supports and initiatives for families in the county.

The number for the new Donegal Parent Support Line is 1800 112277 and the service will operate Monday to Friday 9am – 3pm – phonecalls to the number are free.

 

When the school year disappears – children dealing with loss

The world has changed utterly – or at least that is how it feels. Our children are experiencing the same sense of upheaval. For children who were due to move on from nursery, primary or secondary school this year the sense of loss may be even greater. Normally there would have been some process to help our children move on and make the transition. This may have been ‘graduation’ from nursery, special trips, the Leavers’ Mass, prom. Our children may be experiencing a sense of ‘ambiguous loss’. This is where we feel we have no control over the loss and we can’t resolve it easily. Certainly at the moment there is an ongoing sense of “I don’t know” in response to questions about when life will feel any way normal again, when schools will re-open, how that will be done. So in the midst of all this ambiguity or unknowing, how can we help our children to deal with their feelings of loss? Here are some ideas from Geoffrey Greif. You can read the whole article on the Psychology Today website at https://www.psychologytoday.com/ie/blog/buddy-system/202005/the-ambiguous-loss-the-end-the-school-year

1. Discuss the ambiguity. In Pauline Boss’s writing, she emphasizes that coping with ambiguous loss often requires us to recognize that it is not possible to be in control of the situation or to resolve the sense of uncertainty. Instead, we can learn new ways to live with both the virtual presence of people (e.g., teachers, friends, extended family) and their physical absence. We can agree that we are missing milestones while, at the same time, accepting new opportunities.

For children, sitting with this ambiguity and uncertainty is often a challenge (as it is for many adults). But families can talk about it with their children and acknowledge a range of emotions that may ensue, including a sense of loss, even as we build relationships and traditions in new ways. More celebrations will come our way.

2. Explore opportunities for gratitude. Researchers have repeatedly found that expressing gratitude is associated with improved mental health, well-being, and stronger relationships. Parents can model for children opportunities to identify things they are grateful for, even in the context of unpredictable change and loss. A small moment, like connecting with a school friend on FaceTime, can be something for which to be thankful. Showing gratitude towards others can build on this.

4. Approach yourself and your children with love. There is no blueprint for how to manage this time. A nonjudgmental lens of love and support may be the best way to enhance your connections and build feelings of value and worth.

As painful and as ambiguous as these losses are, we are going through them together. And with this shared experience, we can look to ourselves and to others for ways to build communities inside and outside of our homes.

3. Engage your child in decision making. While there are many issues that children and teens don’t have control over right now, there are also things that they can control — such as the order in which they do their schoolwork, which friends they talk to in the evening, and how they want to spend free time. Work with your child to identify decisions that they can make, so in moments when they feel vulnerable, they can focus on what they can do.

 

How to Achieve Screen Time Sanity During Quarantine

Here is an interesting and very relevant piece from the Psychology Today website which you can access here https://www.psychologytoday.com/ie

Five steps for limits and allowances on pandemic screen time: A “Play Diet”.

Posted May 11, 2020

Two words come to mind when managing your family during the coronavirus quarantine: safety and sanity. Obviously, the safety of our kids and families is the number one priority. Social distancing, sheltering in place, and washing your hands have become the mantras of moms and dads all over the world. While keeping household sanity may be a distant second in our priorities, nonetheless, this supports safety by keeping families more content, communicative, and collaborative.

Pixabay / No Attribution Required
Source: Pixabay / No Attribution Required

Quarantining 24/7 is very difficult. Kids are stuck in their homes, don’t have an opportunity to engage in face-to-face relationships, and are restricted in their physical activities such as participation in team or individual sports. Many families live in urban areas, where COVID-19 is prevalent and home confinement is the norm. More fortunate are those who live in areas where they can venture outdoors more safely and have more breathing space, perhaps seeing friends from a distance and having more opportunities to exercise. Even in these cases, however, family sanity is difficult to achieve when you are living together morning, noon, and night; going to work and school in the same space, and contending with children who complain nonstop about being bored. This can be even more difficult if you have a child with ADHD or learning differences who needs ongoing attention. Family sanity can be helped by engaging in an activity that is quiet, focused, and entertaining—screen time. That’s why I suggest loosening your normal rules around screen time during the quarantine.

But don’t change your parenting style so much that it neglects your family’s health. If you choose to allow more screen time during the quarantine, do it within the context of expecting and modeling a healthy and balanced “Play Diet.” For those of you who are unfamiliar with the LearningWorks for Kids construct of a Play Diet, it is a recipe of essential activities for children’s learning and psychological adjustment that recognizes the importance of a variety of play for child development. A healthy Play Diet consists of a balance of physical, social, creative, unstructured, and digital play and is important for every child and adult. Healthy Play Diets vary based on individual needs, interests, age, and on situations such as whether it is a weekday or during the weekend, while on summer vacation, or over the week after Christmas when parents are encouraged to modify expectations. The COVID-19 quarantine is one of those times for changing the rules for a healthy Play Diet.

The current pandemic has also changed the rules for parenting when it comes to screen time. Allowing more digital play/screen time is recommended for safety and sanity. Kids who are occupied in their homes and allowed to play more with their friends online will be less likely to run off to a friend’s house or pester their parents for things to do. In simple mathematical terms, there is more sustained leisure and housebound time for your kids than ever before. Proactive parenting that accounts for the excess free time can use Play Diets as a model for keeping the health and sanity of your home.

Pixabay / No Attribution Required
Source: Pixabay / No Attribution Required

But how to achieve a healthy Play Diet during the quarantine? First, model healthy living for your kids. Make time to exercise; talk to friends and family; engage in a hobby; take care of yourself psychologically and spiritually; and use screens to work, relax, and communicate with others.

Next, create the expectation that everyone in the family will engage in daily physical, social, creative, unstructured, and digital play activities. Be explicit with your kids. Yes, you will allow them to have more screen time, but it’s not a free for all, you expect them to engage in healthy activities daily. It won’t be easy, you’ll have to devote time, thought, and money, but it will help everyone get through the quarantine healthier and happier.

A healthy play diet is typically defined by spending a lot of face-to-face time with friends and family and engaging in social activities at home, at school, and in the community. It also involves regular physical fitness, for children and teens most often in the form of team sports, going to a gym, or participating in dance or yoga classes. During normal times, creative play often involves taking art or music classes, being involved in theater, playing in a band, or singing in a chorus or choir. Unstructured play is defined by hanging out with others with no particular goals, taking a walk outdoors, or running around the neighborhood. All of these play activities are more difficult during the quarantine, but not impossible with some planning and effort.

I will expand on detailed strategies for achieving a healthy Play Diet during the quarantine in future posts on learningworksforkids.com but here are a few basic steps that will keep screen time in check and get you started:

Pixabay No Attribution Required
Source: Pixabay No Attribution Required

Physical Play: Take a family walk every day, no excuses. This is best done at a regularly scheduled time.

Social Play: Zoom family members or family friends each night before dinner.

Creative Play: Do something new every day. Your kids have more time on their hands, so have them try something new. Try a new recipe, read a book by a new author, take apart a Lego construction and make something different, do a craft project with items found around the house, or learn about something of interest through an Internet search.

Unstructured Play: Take a few minutes each day to relax, stretch, daydream, make a plan for the future, and appreciate nature and the spring season.

Digital Play: This is where your kids will tell you what they want to do. Allow age-appropriate gameplay and think about playing with them.

About the Author

Parenting a child with additional needs through Covid 19

Here is another excellent piece from “Parenting through Covid-19 – helpful hints to keep family life happy” produced by the team at Finn Valley FRC and Springboard Family Support Project. This time they have called upon the expertise of Wendy McCarry, manager of The Bluestack Foundation who is herself mum to a child with additional needs.

Parenting a child with additional needs through Covid 19

Make Self Care a Priority

On an aeroplane, the air hostess tells you; that if the pressure falls in the cabin, to put on your own oxygen mask before you attend to your child’s mask. The key message here is that if you are not ok, you will not be able to help your own child.

We DO have a bigger load

As parents of children with additional needs we know how very much more attending to their needs can take from us as carers, than that of non-disabled children. So, you are not being selfish, or self-obsessed by practicing strict SELF-CARE routines. Be kind and generous with yourself remembering you are doing the best you can within the circumstances. You don’t have to do everything by the book, you just have to survive. When you get the first inkling that you are not managing or not in a positive headspace, seek help. Help is out there.

You are not alone

Try to Stay connected with yours and your child’s network. Check in with their
therapists, doctors, teachers, social worker, and any social networks they are in. While the traditional ways of staying in contact like face to face meetings are no longer possible, most organisations are offering virtual connections through whatsapp, zoom, and other social media platforms.

Address the Elephant in the room

While many of our children with additional needs may have compromised expressive communication skills their receptive skills can be excellent. They may be overhearing and exposed to lots of new information on COVID 19, talk of people getting sick and dying and may be afraid and confused. So, while it is important to stay up-todate with what is happening, it is important that a balance is gained between discussing the issues around COVID – 19 and not becoming over obsessed with social media and too much information.

Expect increased Anxiety

Anxiety often comes from a place of loss: our children have lost their routines, their traditional connections and the familiar, stable faces they are used to. An increase in anxiety can often lead to an increase in behaviours that challenge; meltdowns and shutdowns. You are the one consistent feature they have now. Try to be consistent in your approaches/responses. You are their anchor for stability. Your strength is paramount.

Embrace the opportunity

In the greater scheme of things, we have a choice to see this as a huge burden, which is justifiable or see this as a unique opportunity for creating deeper and stronger bonds with our children. We have fewer external distractions, an opportunity to really focus on our families, on being present, on creating an environment that can really strengthen our familial relationships. Play the games, dance to the music, sing the songs, plant the flowers, bake the cakes, take the time to embrace and enjoy the unique interests, gifts and abilities of our children with additional needs.
This too shall pass.
Wendy McCarry. Manager, Bluestack Special Needs Foundation
Contact: info@bluestackfoundation.com

You can read more of the articles about Parenting through Covid19 here

https://www.cypsc.ie/_fileupload/Documents/Resources/Donegal/FVFRC%20-%20Parenting%20through%20Covid%2019%20Booklet%202.pdf

 

Supporting sibling relationships at home during Covid-19

Here is another very valuable piece from the Finn Valley/ Springboard Family Support Project booklet “Parenting Through Covid-19 – helpful hints to keep home life happy”. This piece, on sibling relationships is written by Jo Sledge Brennan, a Family Support Worker with Springboard.

Sibling relationships are unique, authentic and invaluable, yet they can be one of the most difficult relationships to navigate as a parent. Often these relationships are filled with rivalry, jealousy and competitiveness from an early age and can be extremely frustrating, exhausting and upsetting for parent’s to handle. However, it’s good to point out that for most of us, although this conflict may be high, more often than not the good, fun days more than balance out.

As parents, it’s important we consider our part to play in encouraging positive
sibling relationships. Our children are after all, mainly in conflict with each other in order to gain more love and affection from you than their sibling/s. This rivalry can be intense but it can also have a lasting effect on children, so it’s important to remind them how much they are loved, equally, every day. Don’t be afraid to show your love, no matter what age they are. The first step to encouraging healthy sibling relationships is setting the ground rules for play for example, what behaviours are acceptable and what behaviours are not; no hitting, no name calling etc. You could get your children involved in this too. Find out what behaviours they are most annoyed by with each other, listen to them and make them ground rules so there is no confusion. This way, you’re anticipating the problems, you’re one step ahead!

It’s also important to avoid making comparisons between your children. All children have their own qualities and attributes; they are all unique. Showing an understanding of this will not only strengthen your relationship with them but it will give them a greater respect for each other and build on their own self-esteem. Children like to be seen as individuals; they are individuals. What they share with their sibling is often the same parent/s, their environment, similar experiences and similar memories but they are all individual.
There will be differences; there could be age gaps, different sexes of children,
different interests and needs but what they have in common is you, their parent.

Teach them to understand their differences and to appreciate them. Encourage them to have a good time together by noticing what activities they enjoy doing together, though this can be tough when there are age and interest gaps. In this instance, try cooking together or art, or some form of exercise that you can all do together at least one or two shared activities a day. A scavenger hunt can be good fun, or play cards, or any game or activity that puts the adults against the kids, get them playing and working together.

When there is conflict, try to step back and let them resolve it, try not to get too involved in petty battles. Moderate levels of conflict are a healthy sign that they each can express their needs or wants. If you need to step in, remind them of the ground rules. If all else fails and you need to end the play, talk to each child and listen. You could then allow them to vent, just a little and find out what went wrong before you set the ground rules for the next play. It can sometimes help to ask each child to describe how they feel and have the other child listen. All of this sounds like hard work and it is, nobody ever said that parenting was easy, but there are so many benefits to developing healthy sibling relationships, children may learn to:
• develop their social skills
• navigate power struggles
• try to compromise
• resolve conflicts
• to be assertive
• be empathetic to others’
• respect rules and values
I’m sure all of us would be very happy parents if our children developed the above qualities and attributes from your child’s first peer group; their sibling.

Short Exercise that Children and Young people can do with their siblings:

  • My favourite memory with you is ……
  • I think you are good at …..
  • Things that I like about you …..
  • Things that you do that annoy/upset me …..
  • Things I like about having a brother and/or sister …..
  • One thing I like to do together …..

More ideas and information on a variety of topics to help families get through this tough time are available in the booklet

https://www.cypsc.ie/_fileupload/Documents/Resources/Donegal/FVFRC%20-%20Parenting%20through%20Covid%2019%20Booklet%202.pdf

Our thanks to Jo Sledge Brennan and the teams at Finn Valley FRC and Springboard Family Support Project for these resources.

Home budgeting through Covid-19

Finn Valley FRC and Springboard Family Support Project have put together another excellent booklet to help families through this tough time “Parenting Through Covid-19 – helpful hints to keep home life happy”. Here we share with you the article on family budgeting by Clare O’Kane Family Support Team Leader with Springboard

For many families, this is a very challenging time financially. Some of us may have lost our jobs while others may have had their hours reduced or their businesses closed. Some parents are now reliant on social welfare for the first time. Budgeting through this crisis is vital to keep spending on track. Whilst isolating at home you might find that you are spending more on food every week, but whilst you are spending more on food, electricity and fuel you could be saving money with less being spent on travel or childcare costs.

The budget plans that we may have been using prior to the Covid – 19 outbreak may now have to be altered. For example nights out, birthday parties and even hair cuts that you budgeted for, are now not happening so money will be saved here. However, children are at home now all the time and eating every meal with us, which will add to pressures at home.

By identifying and then prioritising your essential needs you can start your budgeting plan. Ask yourself the question, what does my family need? Consider if you need support with any of your outstanding debts? Keep a track or when your utility bills are due or when your meter needs to be topped up. MABS is a Money Advice & Budgeting Service and they are there to help you if you need some assistance.

You can contact your local MABS office or call the MABS Helpline on 0761 07
2000; Monday to Friday, from 9:00am to 8:00pm. MABS also have a great online tool and Support Advisors online that can help you with any outstanding debt or to even set up a budget plan for you. Find out more here https://www.mabs.ie/en/how_we_help/debt_and_budgeting_tools/ 

During this crisis there have been additional financial supports made available for anyone who has lost their job due to the Covid – 19 or have had their hours reduced. If you fall into this category then DEASP Income Support Helpline for Covid–19 can be contacted on 1890800024. This helpline provides information on available income supports for people impacted by Covid-19. The information team can advise on the most suitable income supports for your circumstances and help you make an application.

If you and your family require support in terms of food or clothing there are county wide supports in place:
• The national SVDP website  https://www.svp.ie/what-we-do/local-offices/north-west-region.aspx will give you the contact number for your local area.
• The We Care Food Bank in Letterkenny can be contacted on 087 1471325.
• There is also a Covid – 19 Community Response Helpline for County Donegal, they can be contacted on 1800 928992 or emailed on covidsupport@donegalcoco.ie.

Below is an example of a household budget plan. You can also make your own depending on what your income and outgoings are. A good way to start is with these headings.

  • Rent/mortgage
  • Food
  • Electricity
  • Bins
  • Heating

Remember you can download the whole booklet with more tips and ideas  here https://www.cypsc.ie/_fileupload/Documents/Resources/Donegal/FVFRC%20-%20Parenting%20through%20Covid%2019%20Booklet%202.pdf

https://www.cypsc.ie/_fileupload/Documents/Resources/Donegal/FVFRC%20-%20Parenting%20through%20Covid%2019%20Booklet%202.pdf

 

This article Home Budgeting through Covid-19 was contributed by Clare O Kane. Family Support Team Leader, Springboard

How to talk to teens and young adults about social distancing

If you have teenagers and young adults who are struggling with social distancing this article by Psychology Professor Michelle Drouin may be useful. The original can be downloaded from the Psychology Today website here https://www.psychologytoday.com/ie/blog/love-online/202003/how-talk-teens-young-adults-about-social-distancing

How to Talk to Teens & Young Adults About Social Distancing

The key is understanding their unique perspective.

Posted Mar 22, 2020

Today, I heard of a concerning trend: College kids posting Instagram photos of themselves on Spring Break—defying rules related to social isolation and mocking older generations for being too careful. Bikini-clad with drinks in hand, these Gen Y and Gen Zers seemed to be saying, “Stay inside, grandpa, but we’re healthy and ready to party.”

With the COVID-19 pandemic in full effect and sanctions mounting in both the U.S. and globally, two camps seem to be emerging: (1) those who are growing worried and cautious about the chance of contacting or spreading the virus and thus adhering to social distancing, and (2) those who feel the concerns and sanctions are overblown and are still choosing to gather in groups, travel, and live life as if COVID-19 were not an impending threat.

Teens and young adults seem especially likely to be in the latter camp. And from my perspective as a developmental psychologist, this makes sense for a number of reasons.

First, from a basic biological perspective, teens and young adults still do not have command of the full set of executive functions, especially those related to planning and considering future consequences, that older adults have. The prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until the mid- to late-20s, which leaves many teens and young adults prone to impulsivity and unlikely to consider consequences that an older adult would easily contemplate.

Second, from a socioemotional standpoint, many teens and young adults are in the developmental stage of identity formation (Erik Erikson). It is critical for them to have the opportunity discover who they are, set their own boundaries, and establish their own values and beliefs, apart from those of their parents. They are often separating from their families, both geographically and socially, because they are developing their own identities. During this time, they may test rules and boundaries imposed on them by parents and other authority figures not because they want to be contrary, but because they are trying to answer the fundamental questions of “Who am I?” and “What can I be?”

Third, many teens and young adults may feel like they are unique and invincible—this is known as the personal fable. They may believe that no one has ever gone through anything like they are going through, and an illusion of invulnerability may make them believe that the COVID-19 virus could never affect them. Again, this is a common psychological phenomenon, but it may make them appear self-centered and increase the likelihood of impulsive behavior.

So what can you do when your teen or young adult wants to defy government- or parent-mandated sanctions regarding COVID and social isolation?

Anna Shvets/Pexels

(Girl with mask in mountainsSource: Anna Shvets/Pexels)

Most importantly, it’s necessary to have sympathy. In fact, nothing like this has ever happened before in most of our lifetimes. These teens and young adults are missing once-in-a-lifetime events, and there is no way to stop or rewind the clock so that they can have these moments back. Let them talk to you about what they are missing, and instead of dismissing their concerns or comparing them to the death and despair caused by the virus, hear them, understand that these are big moments in their lives, and let them grieve the loss of these opportunities.

Next, talk with them about ways to bridge the gaps between what they want in an ideal world and what they can have in the current climate. Couple your wisdom and knowledge of the ways of the world with their interests and use of technology to try to come up with creative ways to enrich their lives without having to see their friends and attend events in person. Be committed to this partnership in problem-solving, and be flexible about ways to help them feel connected to the events and people they feel that they are missing.

Encourage teens and young adults to think outside of themselves. The more concrete your encouragement, the better. For example, you could model empathy and benevolence by writing letters to residents in nursing homes or assisted living facilities and have your teen or young adult join you. Or have them call their grandparents or loved ones in vulnerable populations so that they can hear the voices of people whose lives might be at risk if they get the virus from someone who is seemingly health and symptom free. If you give them opportunities to help and sympathize with others, it may help them see beyond their own social woes and get a better sense of the bigger picture.

Finally, if you find that your child is exhibiting signs of depression or anxiety, reassure them that they are not alone. If you think they may be in crisis or needing professional help, point them to trusted resources: Mental health providers nationwide are gearing up to provide online mental health treatment (call your general practitioner or local mental health facility if you need a referral). Or if you find they just need someone to talk to (and they are not in crisis), they can also connect for free with volunteers on websites like 7 Cups of Tea and Crisis Text Line. Fortunately, those most in need of these online resources (i.e., teens and young adults with high levels of depression, anxiety, and stress) appear to be most open to using them (Toscos et al., 2018; Toscos et al., 2019).

Most importantly– take care of yourself, too! The resources listed above are not just for your children. Take time to acknowledge your own stress and anxiety, and model good health hygiene by taking care of your own needs, both physical and psychological. “Do as I do, not just as I say,” might be the best way to get everyone on the same page regarding social distancing.

In Ireland if you are concerned about the mental well-being of a teenager or young adult you can contact Jigsaw https://www.jigsaw.ie/